Where, O Death, is your sting?

I wrote the below about a week ago after having a particularly vivid dream.  I've actually been having quite a few vivid dreams lately, more so than usual, although I'm not sure the reason why.  Those dreams tend to affect me emotionally and influence my thoughts at the beginning of the day as I recount them to myself and analyze them.     This dream, in particular, led me to much contemplation about death and life that day and I thought I'd share some of it with you.


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I'm thinking a lot about death today.  In my dream last night, for some reason that I am unsure of, I was supposed to die on my birthday.  I ended up having some guy throw knives and throwing stars at me, which I also threw back at him, and some of them injured me, including a knife or two embedded in my head.  For some reason, it was supposed to be, and I was fine with that.  I had a peace about my death that surpassed all understanding.  Yes, I was sad to be leaving my loved ones, but it was okay.  When I saw a good friend of mine, I gave him a hug and started crying, telling him I might not be around much longer, but not telling him why.  I just left him.  I didn't give anyone else at the table a hug because I didn't know them as well, but I was sad that I wouldn't be around to become better friends with them.  When I initially got the knives in the head, I felt as though I wouldn't make it, like I was dying, and like that was how it was supposed to be.  Later on, though, it seemed as though I might actually make it and live past my birthday.  I asked my mother if I should go ahead and die like the original "plan" dictated, or if I should keep living.  She never responded and I woke up before I could find out what the result was (as I always do when there's a possibility of my dying in my dreams).  

I think that part of my dream was about the inevitability of death.  There was a point where myself and a couple other people were fighting a group of "bad guys" in hand-to-hand combat.  We were just about to defeat them, and the death they brought with them, when a second, more numerous wave of fighters on horseback came over the hill.  It then seemed as though our defeat was inevitable.  I'm not sure what exactly that scene transitioned to or what the result of the fight was, but I remember the feeling of doom, and feeling like it was okay.

I want the peace I had in my dream about dying.  In some ways, I think I do have that peace.  Over and over again, I've been seeing verses about the life to come after this one, about the fact that there will be no more pain, no more sorrow, no more weeping.  Right now, that sounds wonderful.  To be in a place where the joy is never ending, where we will be in direct fellowship with God, and the cares and sorrows of this world will pass away is something for which I desperately long.  I want to live like I am dying, to not fear death but to embrace it.  I heard a song this morning with the line "we were born to embrace not except it."  I'm not completely sure what "it" they were talking about, except for maybe suffering, but there is some part of me that wants to relate it to my death.  Not that I want to die or that I would ever kill myself.  I know that God has work left for me to do on this earth until He determines that it is time to take me away.  I want to die for something much greater than myself and want my death to point others to Christ and to bring Him the praise and glory.  That's what I want for my life, and I want no less for my death.  

The Touch of the Master's Hand

I know this may seem like a rather inane thing to write about after not writing for so long, but I believe there is more to the story than at first meets the eye.  Another marvelous work of art by the master artist Leonardo da Vinci has been discovered.  It is the beautiful portrait of a young woman, aptly entitled La Bella Principessa, or, in the modern English vernacular, The Beautiful Princess.  The drawer of the masterpiece was discovered not merely through the typical examination of technique and artistry, but it was something much more compelling that caused art experts to declare it a pukka work of art attributed to da Vinci.  A finger and palm print were found on the drawing, prints that matched others on known works by da Vinci.  The indisputable evidence of a fingerprint caused the painting's value to suddenly jump from around $19,000 to somewhere in the neighborhood of $150,000, solely because of who created it. 

Seeing the article on the drawing got me to thinking that this story could be more than just one of misplaced credit for the creation of a chalk, ink, and pencil drawing.  I've been told that since God the Father is the King, it makes me a princess, a princess like the one in the picture.  What gives me my value?  The fact that God the Master Artist has left his fingerprint on me in the process of creating me and I am His.  Were the drawer of the portrait merely a "common" artist as had previously been thought, the drawing's worth would have been very minimal.  It is because of who masterminded it, sketched it, and brought it to fruition and life that changed everything.  So many times our existence as human beings is attributed to chance and Mother Nature.  However, God's fingerprint in the design and beauty with which He created us is a clear mark and unmistakable evidence that we are his workmanship and, because of that, we are priceless. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

Life, Love, and the Pursuit of a PhD

I am currently at a time in my life where the choices I make very well may influence the course that the rest of my time here on earth takes. Do I find a job? Which job? Do I go to grad school? Which grad school? Do I stop after my M.S. or continue on to get my PhD? Sometimes the choices seem overwhelming.

I need to stop racing forward and simply pause and breathe at times like these. At times like these, I need to go back to the foundation of my existence and realize that no matter the choices I make, they don't matter so much so long as God and pleasing him day by day is my focus in life. After all, what else matters in the end? Jobs can be lost, friendships can fall apart, and happiness is fleeting.

Many people say that Ecclesiastes is a depressing book to read. I, rather, find it a very peaceful and reassuring portion of scripture. No matter how hard I work here on this earth and how much I strive to be the best that I can be in my chosen profession, even should I fail at that, this world and all that it is and stands for is but dust in the wind. There is nothing new under the sun and there is a time for everything. I need to make my life matter for eternity, not just for this temporary world, where I and what I do will be forgotten before long. I want to live for the line, not just the dot.

Does that mean I give up on accomplishing anything with my life? No indeed. Does that mean I should not work hard to excel at the things I attempt? No indeed. It does mean, however, that my own praise and my own glory should not be my driving force. Instead, God's praise and God's glory should be all that matters. No matter the choices I make and the steps I take in life, that is what will endure.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men

Colossians 3:23

Merry Christmas!

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."

Luke 2:10-11 (NIV)

Quote of the Day

"About 1340 Petrarch climbed a mountain, Mount Ventoux, in the south of France just to climb it -- something new."

- Francis Schaeffer in his book "How Should We Then Live"

Is God Blowing Bubbles?

H.G. Wells wrote an intriguing story entitled "The Island of Dr. Moreau". In it, Dr. Moreau is a scientist whose desire is to create human beings out of animals. On a small island in the middle of the Pacific, he experiments on one animal after another, each time trying to make something that is a little more human. He performs surgery on the creatures to change their appearance and mannerisms to become somewhat human like, then teaches them to speak and therefore think as humans. However, his experiments go terribly wrong as the Beast Men, as his creatures are called, revert back to their animal ways and end up being the cause of his death and destruction.

The story is narrated by Prendick, a man who, through various circumstances, becomes stranded on the island with Moreau, Moreau's assistant Montgomery, and the Beast Men. It is through his eyes that we see the tale of unfold. At first he knows nothing of what is occurring on the island, but he soon learns and finds he has no choice but to trust Moreau, even though he is repulsed by what Moreau is doing. Wells painted Dr. Moreau as being the "god" of his island. Dr. Moreau creates the beings that populate the island in "his" image, gives them laws to live by, and punishes them when they fail to follow those laws. After Moreau is killed by one of his creatures, the other Beast Men see that he is dead, but in order to maintain order Prendick informs them that he is not really dead, but has merely changed his shape for a time. He tells them, "'For a time you will not see him. He is...there'--I pointed upward--'where he can watch you. You cannot see him. But he can see you. Fear the Law.'" Is this not the very thing that we are taught about our own God? That he is "up there" somewhere and is watching us, so we should fear him and obey his law? The "god" Moreau even has a priest to preach his rules to the Beast Men. There is a certain gray-haired Beast Man that is known as the "Sayer of the Law". This law gives a list of things that they should not do, such as crawl on all fours, suck up drink as animals, or eat flesh or fish. It also includes sayings about Moreau, their creator, such as "His is the Hand that makes," "His is the Hand that wounds," "His is the Hand that heals," "His is the lightning-flash," "His is the deep salt sea," and "His are the stars in the sky." If this is not the description of a god, I don't know what is.

However, this god that Wells created has no room in his heart for love or mercy. He cares nothing for his creatures' pain. He creates them in pain to live out a life of agony as he forces them to follow laws that directly go against their innate animal desires. They have strong urges to follow their animal desires, and yet are bound by the laws he gave them to make them more human, like him. Everything Dr. Moreau does is merely to satisfy himself and his own whims and curiosity, with no real reason behind what he is doing. Prendick makes the observation that once the creatures were created in the laboratory, suffering through intense pain during that process, their tortures didn't end there as they were released to live on the island and made to continue in a life of agony. "Now they stumbled in the shackles of humanity, lived in a fear that never died, fretted by a law they could not understand; their mock-human existence began in an agony, was one long internal struggle, one long dread of Moreau--and for what?" H.G. Wells seems to be trying to make an analogy of our own existence. We are created by God in his image, we have sinful human desires but are given a moral law that is meant to restrict those desires and make us more like God and to live more in conformity to his nature. Wells' idea seems to be that God created us merely to make us suffer through our lives following this law as Dr. Moreau did his Beast Men--for no real reason. Is our existence really as pitiful as Moreau's Beast Men? Why did he create us in the first place? Does God really care for us?

Montgomery, one of the characters in Wells' book, asks, "Are we bubbles blown by a baby?" This seems to be the very question that H. G. Wells is putting to the reader: "Is the god who made us merely playing with us? An infantile creature who could care less about the bubbles that he creates and then pops, merely to satisfy his own whim?"

Cause, Effect, or Affect?

The following may not have much coherence or make much sense, but please bear with me. I am thinking "out loud".

I heard a speaker the other night say that, since Jesus has authority over all of history, he caused the bad things that happened, including the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center. Does God cause bad things, or does he allow them to happen? And if he allows them to happen, does that mean that he is not in complete control? Are the bad things things that God does since he controls everything, or are they the result of the evil in this world and our fallen, sinful human nature? The Bible says that God works things out for the good of those who love Him, but does that mean that he takes the bad situations that we cause and uses them for good, or does that mean that he causes the bad things and still uses them for good? A god that caused bad things to happen to the people he created does not seem like a very loving god, but more like a child with a magnifying glass killing ants on a sidewalk for the fun of it. There are also situations where something that we perceive as being bad at the time ends up being a very good thing when we look back on it, although perhaps not something that is on the same scale as the World Trade Center attack. Are large scale "bad" things viewed differently by God than things that we see as being on a smaller scale, such as loosing a job or a loved one?

Genesis 50:20: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." That is what Joseph said to his brothers after they sold him into slavery and he ended up being able to save all Egypt from being victims of a terrible famine. Did God make the brothers sell Joseph, or did he just use the situation without causing it in the first place? If he made the brothers sell Joseph, doesn't that mean that he didn't allow them free will?

When Job is suffering from intense illness and the loss of his children and all his possessions, his wife comes up to him and tells him to "Curse God and die!" Job replies, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10) In Job's story, God does not cause the bad things that happen to Job, but instead allows the devil to do them to Job, with set limitations. Is this how things really happen? If so, the devil influences people, and not God, to do bad things and God allows them to do those things. However, people still have the ability to make the choices for themselves and have free will and can only be influenced.

God could cause things to happen that influence our decisions by influencing the decisions of others in a very complicated web of influence and decision making. But he would also know what those decisions ended up being in advance since he is beyond the restraints of time. I once heard it said that when we make a choice to follow God, it is like us choosing to open a door and God is on the other side saying "I have chosen you." So does God use our choices, and causes things to happen that make these choices work out the way he wants them in the end?

It is all very confusing...and I think my brain is about to explode. I think it is safe to say that God is much bigger than I am, and it is a good thing that he understands everything, because I definitely don't.

An Arachniphobe's Nightmare

A state park in northern Texas is home to a recent phenomenon that will send shivers up the spines of any sane, spider-fearing citizen. There is a network of spiderwebs enveloping several trees and bushes along a 200 yard long stretch of trail within the park. It seems that this giant network of web-spinners is very rare and entomologists have yet to discover what has caused these particular spiders to do what they have done. Being an avid spider fearer/hater myself, I found watching a video of the phenomenon to be rather disturbing. There was one part in particular that caused me great worry. At the end of the video, a lady had one of the eight-legged construction workers of terror crawling on her hand and she was calmly asking it if it was going to bite her. I wanted to tell her, no, yell at her to drop it, kill it, squash it, and run! That is one part of nature that I have no desire to experience. I will postpone any further plans to travel to Texas or any portion of the southern United States until those...things...are gone. Until further notice, I am moving to the Arctic, the only place of safety on earth where there are no insects or arachnids of any shape, size, or form.